Porn Store Stories: Job Seeker Sunday

A few years ago I worked at an “adult novelty store”. Craziest job ever. I used to mentally compose letters to my more colorful customers and write them in a blog after I got home. That blog is long gone; these are the stories that I still have.

Dear You’re So Vain,

 

Just because we sell sex related merchandise does not mean that your sex life is relevant to your job application here. You will not be asked to test any products or give any performances. Nobody wants to see you shirtless. I could not care less if you are a freak in bed. It’s a cashier job. I want to know if you can work a register, clean, put out stock, and talk to customers (without scaring them off.) Your bedroom skills could not be less relevant.

Signed,
OMG, TMI

 

Dear Squeamish,

 

It’s an adult novelty store. We sell sex toys. Yes, you have to handle the stock. You have to put it out on the shelves, you have to straighten and rearrange it, and you have to take it out of the packages so customers can see it or so you can put batteries in and test it before selling it. If you can not handle touching a big pink dildo, you can not work here. Full stop.

 

Signed,

What Did You Expect?

 

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