Porn Store Stories: Slow Sunday

A few years ago I worked at an “adult novelty store”. Craziest job ever. I used to mentally compose letters to my more colorful customers and write them in a blog after I got home. That blog is long gone; these are the stories that I still have.

Dear Big Spender,

 

You picked out two condoms. That is less than three dollars… do you really expect me to change a hundred dollar bill for you? We’re a little store in the ghetto. I’m not clearing my drawer and having no change for the rest of the night for your two condoms. I sincerely have to wonder if you’re not just trying to change out a fake bill. Who does that?

 

Signed,

Break Your Big Bills Elsewhere

 

Dear Happy Couple,

 

No, I cannot recommend any particular Blu-Ray porn. I work part time at a porn shop for peanuts… even if I wanted to buy porn, I couldn’t afford it in Blu-Ray. I haven’t seen any of this stuff. And the reason that we only have a few Blu-Ray titles is that we’re located in the ghetto, people here are poor, and no one can afford them. The boss stocks cheap porn because that’s what people actually buy.

 

That said, I’m glad you two had such fun picking out your movie… you were the most normal customers I’ve had in days. Enjoy.

 

Signed,

Amused

 

Dear Readers,

 

Happy Halloween!

 

Signed,

The Smut Peddler

 

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