Porn Store Stories: Swept Away Saturday

A few years ago I worked at an “adult novelty store”. Craziest job ever. I used to mentally compose letters to my more colorful customers and write them in a blog after I got home. That blog is long gone; these are the stories that I still have.

Dear Two Really Old Dudes,

 

So sorry I didn’t have any women’s edible panties for you two, and that the men’s edible briefs weren’t quite your style. I hope you two are happy with the vibrating panties you chose instead. Have a nice day and come again.

 

Signed,

Just When I Think I’ve Seen It All

 

Dear Guy Going To A Wedding,

 

In what world is a ten inch vibrator an appropriate wedding present? I mean, if you’d said you were going to a bachelorette party or something, sure. But as an actual wedding present? I mean, I’m happy to make the sale, don’t get me wrong. But I sincerely hope that it’s a very informal wedding and that the groom has a very good sense of humor.

 

Signed,

Would Like To Be a Fly on That Wall

 

Dear Divorce Party Lady,

 

I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of a divorce party before, but judging by your purchases, I get the idea. Whoever is getting the divorce must be a good friend of yours, because $90 is a lot to spend on a divorce party present. (Well, it seems that way to me… then again, what do I know about divorce parties?) In any case, I hope you and the divorcee and other guests have fun. Make sure to tell them where you shopped for presents.

 

Signed,

Learn Something New Every Day

 

Dear Guy Selling Necklaces,

 

No, I suppose I don’t look like a cop. But I am at work. Not only am I at work, I’m at work in a low-paying cashier job in a porn store. So why would you think I want to spend $100 on your (probably stolen, fake, or both) gold chains? Time to buy something, or leave.

 

Signed,

Scam Somebody Else

 

Advertisements

Discuss!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s