Porn Store Stories: Too Late Tuesday

A few years ago I worked at an “adult novelty store”. Craziest job ever. I used to mentally compose letters to my more colorful customers and write them in a blog after I got home. That blog is long gone; these are the stories that I still have.

Dear last minute guy,

FFS, if you’re going to keep me 20 minutes past closing time while you pick out a fake vagina, why not buy the thing? Or at the very least, don’t bring it to the register, hand it to me, let me ring and bag it, then wander off, grab a magazine, then come back and say,”oh, did you already ring that? I wasn’t going to BUY it…” What were you doing with it, then? You have no idea how close you came to having a pocket pussy thrown at your head.

Signed,

We Close at Midnight

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