Porn Store Stories: Touchy Tuesday

A few years ago I worked at an “adult novelty store”. Craziest job ever. I used to mentally compose letters to my more colorful customers and write them in a blog after I got home. That blog is long gone; these are the stories that I still have.

Dear Haggling Stripper,

 

Do you go into the grocery store and haggle over the price of bread and cheese? Do you go to Walmart and haggle over the cost of electronics or socks? I bet you don’t, because they’ll tell you that this is the price, buy it or leave. So why would you come haggle here? You already got a good deal on the fuck me boots… they were more than half off, and on a $75 pair of boots, that’s some savings. So now you want to haggle over stockings and underwear? Take it to the flea market, no one needs your dollar bills that badly here.

 

While we’re on the subject, no, the decorations and display materials are not for sale. Who asks for that stuff?

 

Signed,

Use The Money You Saved and Buy A Clue

 

 

Dear Guys with Accents,

 

Seriously? An hour searching for “big boobs” porn? No, we don’t have any of those longer than four hours. Really, four hours of big boobs should be more than enough. Especially when you’re buying more than one movie. You know those movies are basically all the same, don’t you? You could achieve the same thing by watching one over and over…

 

Oh, and thanks so much for tearing up the movie shelves and not leaving until just a few minutes before closing. I’m going to enjoy staying late to fix all of that.

 

Signed,

Had Enough

 

 

 

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